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spicedSnow's Lair
a dork with grammar issues and minimum time for herself
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Which alias or code name would you be known by if you were a secret agent?

It would be... Miharu~ Kekeke... I love my Japanese name so much~
11th-Aug-2010 08:55 am - Writer's Block: Dream on
Do you usually remember your dreams at night? Do you analyze and/or record your dreams in your journal? Are there any recurring themes?

I do! OMG! I usually write them in a notebook then ponder about it for a week or so... >_<
There were instances that it comes true(most of the time)... Or there are continuations of those dreams in real life... >_<
11th-Aug-2010 08:53 am - Writer's Block: Bye bye life!
If you could choose the manner in which you would ultimately die, would you? How would you want to depart this world?

I would probably choose the one that would make me die instantly. Like a gunshot through my brain or heart. I don't want to feel pain, that's all.

New fanfiction from me~ kekeke... This is Miharu~ Sorry if the title and even the fic itself is a bit crappy~ Submitted for a short-story competition in our department college. And, I won there? XD Kekeke... Onward to the fic~

I feel my body being lifted up as I hear police sirens blaring loud next to my ears. Blue, red, blue, red, the alternating colors of the siren bathe my closed eyelids with light. Did they found out? Have they? How? When? I tried to open my eyes but I can’t. It was as if lead was intentionally injected in them. Up and up, my body moved like a feather floating in the air.

            “I’m here to collect your soul,” and there, my eyelids flew open as I gaped at the entity beside me. It was like a pure concentration of light rays at one point, illuminating the positing it was in, and it has a child-like voice, too cheerful to my liking.

            “C-Collect my s-s-so-soul?”


            “But… I-I’m not y-yet dead!”

            “Yes you are,” the entity’s voice had seemed to smile at me and I felt uneasy. My eyes scanned and stopped upon my feet. Instead of my sturdy pair of lower limbs, my body seems to dissipate and I could see people down below. Down below?  Down below?! My eyes blinked rapidly and darted from left to right. I could see myself there! Hey! Wait! I willed myself to move towards the crowd of people surrounding my earthly container. It was quite hard but I managed to float towards them.

            “Oh come on! We don’t have much time~” there was a grip on my left wrist and we started to defy the laws of gravity. Up beyond the clouds, a hundred billion light years away from the land I was walking upon just minutes ago, there was a guy garbed in crisp white polo and cream slacks with silver-rimmed spectacles and thick big black book in his hands. And right there, I believed that this guy standing in front of me is the guard of the Gates of Heaven.

            “Name,” his monotonous voice rang out as he opened his book and tapped his left foot impatiently.

            “Aiden Lee, sir,” there was a rapid flipping of pages and I nervously gulped as I felt his heavy stare on me.


            “Yes sir?” the entity that guided me in this place floated beside the guy obediently.

            “Charlie, I think you made a mistake. This guy is a murderer according to my book. There is absolutely no way that I’ll open the Heaven’s gates to the likes of him”.

            “But Boss Peter, I doubled checked my list for today and he was there. He’s even listed in the priority list sir, look,” the entity called Charlie showed something that resembled to a notebook to the guy named Peter. His left eyebrow quirked in confusion, but nevertheless nodded forlornly.

            “Well then, we just have to make sure that he is fit to enter,” something shot pass through the center of my forehead, just in between of my eyebrows. As pain blossomed to the same spot, my memories started to play in front of me, like a film played in cinemas.


            ‘The heart’s rhythm fuels the complexities of the human passion’.

            ‘It will beat two and a half billion times over a lifetime, pumping nearly fifty million gallons of blood’.

            ‘The sound of a heart beat is an affirmation of life, a sign that every part of our body is being supplied with fresh blood providing energy, health, and vitality’.

            ‘Blood is the river of life’.

            ‘The heart’s very existence is the pulse of life’.

            “Aiden, honey! Dinner time!” my mom’s voice called out to me. I immediately shut off the television and ran towards the kitchen. Maybe she cooked one of her specialties this time.


            “Mom… Mom… I’m home, where are you? Mom… Mom?!” tears welled up; there in front of my eyes was the lifeless body of my beloved woman.  The woman who gave birth to me. The woman who cared to me more than her own life. The woman who taught me so many things yet could not answer some of my questions and would laugh heartedly at me. The woman who patiently waited and loved me unconditionally. And that woman is now in front of me, her corpse smothered in blood and her chest in deeper shade of red. No… No… This can’t be…

            ‘Blood is the river of life…’

            “Maybe… M-maybe… I-if I gather t-this,” I dashed to our kitchen and slipped on my way back, “i-if I g-gather them all, mom w-will be b-back!” I scooped the puddle of crimson red liquid using a spoon and a cup. Little by little, the cup filled and soon, I slowly poured the blood back to her wound. I repeated the process as tears cascade upon my cheeks. Please don’t leave me mom… I need you… Again and again, in desperate need and frustration, I screamed on top of my lungs. Why wouldn’t it work? Why?!

            ‘The sound of a heart beat is an affirmation of life, a sign that every part of our body is being supplied with fresh blood providing energy, health, and vitality…’

            “A h-he-heart beat!” down on my knees, I pressed my right ear to her chest. No heart beat… How can I make her heart pump blood again?! I shook her body. No… I called out her name. No… I scooped her blood again. Still a no. How?! My own heart was ridden with anxiety as my eyes squint in concentration.

            ‘The heart’s very existence is the pulse of life…’

            My eyes widened. Why haven’t I thought of it before?! I ran outside our house with a kitchen knife at hand. Adrenaline pulsating along my veins, my palms sweating and my vision blurring in excitement, I approached my very first choice of victim.

            “I’m sorry Fluffy. This is for mom. To save my mom,” I whispered to the sleeping form of my white Labrador retriever and plunged the knife with all my might. Warm, metallic, and thick, that’s what I sensed as the blood of my beloved Fluffy sprayed on me, straight on my face. Carefully as U could, I extracted Fluffy’s heart out of her prone body and I dashed back inside the house. I dropped Fluffy’s heart directly above my mom’s wound and waited for her to wake up. Suddenly, I felt my eyes drooping and sleep consumed my overworked child body. An hour passed according to our wall clock until I woke up in a shrill noise above me.

            “Auntie?” I croaked out. She started to dial frantically on her phone, saying some gibberish things while pacing back and forth, screaming profanities every now and then. I glanced down to my mom and I cried once more. Police came and picked me away from my position. I thrashed around, punched, screamed, and cried blood and tears but they wouldn’t listen to this child’s voice. They wouldn’t understand that my mom needs me. She needs me to revive her to life. My mom needs me! Let me go!


            “No… N-no… P-please d-don’t… I’ll s-stop! I promise! I will stop! P-please…” I grinned underneath the face mask I was adorned in as I leisurely let myself shower from the man’s elixir of life. This metallic liquid, in which I was so addicted with ever since that day, was warm. It was very comforting as droplets of the crimson liquid would accidentally land on my face and I would sometimes wipe and lick it clean. The urge to reminisce the past was there and I welcomed it with both arms.

            ‘The heart’s very existence is the pulse of life…’

            After that incident, I started to have a craving to kill. Stating from dogs to rats, cats, and monkeys. Then finally, humans. I use a variety of weapons to kill but I use my surgical knife most of the time. It was the kind that you’d get from hospitals. The cuts I do with it were perfect and clean. At first, I ask, why do I kill? Then that was answered during my fifth time of killing humans. It was the feeling I get from my nightly activities. The rush I get from my killings can’t even compare to the effects of opium and marijuana combined.

            “This heart will be going to the kid down the street,” I opened my bag and took out my mini-cooler. I quickly stuffed the covered heart inside it as my eyes scanned the area for witnesses. Yes, I kill. But now, I kill for a purpose. I promised myself that. A promise to kill and save another. I changed out of my blood-drenched clothes into a casual white tee and jeans. Tonight, I will be the angel of death to those people who deserves to die. And tonight, I will be the angel of salvation as I have been in the past nights.


I watch my clothes from the previous night burn as I read the local newspapers. The Heart Killer Strikes Again! A Kid saved by the Heart Killer. Local Rapist Killed by the Heart Killer. I’m not rich but I can afford my basic needs and some luxuries. There is also a stock of mini-coolers of different brands for my nightly escapades. I’m too careful of my actions. I can’t be caught red-handed, literally. There are still a lot of people who needs to be saved and punished. The world still needs me…


            “Mr. Aiden Lee?”

            “Yes?” I perked up from my seat and my secretary, Joan, entered the office.

            “These are the papers you requested from the hospital sir,” Joan handed me the papers and I quickly signed them, “sir, I’ve got a question”.

            “Sure, go on”.

            “Why do you want this thing sir? I mean, not being revived or resuscitated when you had an accident?” I smiled knowingly.

            “To save lives up to my last breathe my dear. To save lives…”


            Another night of killing spree, I’ve got to kill three people tonight. I have a swindler, a corrupt politician, and a kidnapper. I’m down to the last kill for tonight, the politician. Whistling happily as my bloodlust quenched for at least three months.

            “There he is!” somebody shouted and I sprinted down the alley. Right, left, left, and then left. I exited the alley for the main road. I smiled, escaping success. As my eyes trained back in front of me, I saw a blind young girl with a stick trying to cross over the road. She was about to get pass but a rushing police car was making it’s way to her. In an instant, I shot out my arms and pushed her out of the way, my body colliding with the metal hood of the car. Dazed, I turned to the general direction of the blind girl and heaved a relieved sigh, she’s alive. My vision dimmed. And before I knew it, I was out, cold.


            “You are a great man Mr. Aiden Lee. A great man in your own twisted way,” Peter, after helping me up on my feet, opened the doors for me, “I guess that’s why you were allowed to come here. Welcome to Heaven Mr. Serial Killer”.

            “Thank you Mr. Gate Keeper”.



By the way, I came from biology department. ^w^ I hope you enjoyed my fic... See you next time~

19th-Jun-2010 06:24 pm - [G] Donghae's Diary Entries
Miharu in a new one shot~ A Donghae-centric this time around~ Kekeke... I'm still typing my updates for Otaku Crash(which is kinda lo ng by the way... *sweatdrop*) So yeah... I hope you'll like this~ Oh yeah~ This is a gift fic to my wonderful friend, Onkey~(Rhia Ramos) I hope you'll love this


March 28, 2009
Dear Diary, Aiden here! Ahaha... Just kidding... Donghae here! Today was my first day of work. Everything there was new to me. Like, the blender, the... BLENDER! I really lie it! Well, actually I worte just to let you know about this girl that I saw around 9 o'clock this morning. She ordered a cup of mocha frappe and read athick book until her order was finished. How could she stand reading for so long? What do you think? Ahh! I have to sleep now! GOODNIGHT!

March 30, 2009
Dear Diary... Wait.... Do I seriously have to write dear diary over and over again? Ahaha... Well then! I'll give you another name! You'll b now called BLENDER! I like blenders as much as I like washing machines and dry spinners. They all do slooshie woosy sounds and looks really fun. Oh! Oh! Oh! I saw the girl again! She ordered mocha frappe once more around 9 am. She still have that hideous thick book from yesterday. You don't remember?! 0_o Look! Look! It's just an entry away from you! Look! (*A*)

March 31, 2009
Blender! Now I know her name! What?! You're asking me who is this girl?! Aish! Don't get jealous! Anyways, her name is... Tanananan~ Rhia Ramos... She's a foreigner! I didn't even noticed... Ahaha... How I got her name is a deep secret! You wanna know? Promise me not to tell, okay? Well, the cup she ordered, which was a cup of latte by the way, has her name! I'm so happy! Like her? No! No! No! I don't! It's just she looks really... Nerdy... Yeah! Really nerdy with her big book again! 0_0

April 1, 2009
HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY! I really love this hoiliday~ We get to play pranks on people and blame it to the holiday rules~. I made Hyukkie cry and it was fun! Junsu and I hid all his yadong stuff inside Heechul hyung's and Hangeng hyung's locker. Being loud princess as he is, Heechul shrieked and teased Eunhyuk to no end. We even got to play pranks on our customers. Rhia came and I blamed the holiday for me dropping a silver ring inside her cup of mocha frappe. She just laughed and wore the ring. I hope she'll wear it also tomorrow.

April 2, 2009
The ring! She wore it! She wore it! She wore it! Silver doesn't tarnish when exposed to water right? Its just a simple band of silver that really looks pretty on her. I should have droppd in a necklace with it too... <3

April 4, 2009
She has a new thick book. I think the title of it is Harry Potter and half-blood prince. And I honestly think that one of our delivery guys, Onew sshi, looks like this 'Harry Potter' guy when he wears his spectacles. Hehe =). Also, remember the silver ring that I dropped inside her frappe? Actually, it's a couple ring~ Her's has my name in it, and mine has her's. Cute isn't it? Kekeke... Ackk! I forgot to tell you today was also Eunhyuk's birthday~ He treated the whole gang to dinner. Jaejoong hyung and Kangin hyung got so drunk. Good thing, Yunho and Leeteuk hyung were there to support our stupid supervisors. Onew sshi, Taemin sshi, Yesung hyung, and Shindong hyung did so many body gags that I even forgot some them. Yoochun sshi and Kibummie were smoking but Changminnie and Junsu yelled at them to stop. What a rowdy and crazy bunch we make.

April 8, 2009
I tried to talk to her again... But she was busy doing something. Lots of numbers and lines. I thought it was connect-the-dots game but lil evil genius Kyuhyunnie said it must be some assignment for engineering students. She's smart! My Rhia sshi... Argh! What am I thinking?! Good night!

April 10, 2009
Blender, blender, blender, blen~deeer! Blender, blender, blender, blen~deeer! Wahahahahaha~ She sat in front of me and she's still wearing the ring I gave her~ Yay! She asked me about the ring that was on my necklace. I said it's a couple ring, I gave the other part to my crush. She just smiled warmly at me but said nothing more. Blender, do you know why? Why didn't she say anything else? Did she knew about my feelings? Waaah! Dont call me stupid, you stupid blender!

April 15, 2009
She tried to talk to me! She tried! Unfortunately,I was called to Leeteuk hyung's office. Stupid Eunhyukkie reported my mishap yesterday. Argh! I really want to talk to her! Should punish that monkey boy tomorrow! *evil laugh*

April 20, 2009
The world goes round! And round! And rooooooounnnnnddd~! Blender goes round, round, and rooooooooooouuuuunnnndddddd! Blue looks good on Rhia sshi. I love blue. It's a cool color like red that Yunho likes to wear on Friday nights or like white that Leeteuk hyung seems so fascinated with. Rhia sshi~ Maybe I should wear more blue from now on? Sapphire blue it is! Ahh! I'll make cookies for her~ Good night!

April 22, 2009
Blender! Blender! BLENDER! SHE SAT IN FRONT OF ME! She sat there, at the stool in front of me again today! She smells so nice! The smell of newly brewed coffee and her w--... arf? Parf? Barf? Aish! I forgot the word! She just smells nice with coffee. I wodner where she bought her perfume. Aish! I sound like a pervert! Ahhh... We talked about lots of nice stuff! Rhia sshi! She also said the cookies I made were really delicious. =))

April 23, 2009
In 5 days time, it'll be our monthsary! What?! No! With Rhia sshi. I think I should initiate our talk from now on, right? Wish me luck Blender~

April 25, 2009
I wasn't still able to talk to her first. Sungmin hyung and Yoochun kept on asking her out! Good thing she declined thm both... Maybe she's waiting for me to ask her out? Aish! YA LEE DONG HAE! GET YOUR MMIND OUT OF THE GUTTER! THERE'S NO FREAKING WAY SHE'S WAITING FOR YOU!

April 27, 2009
What should I do? I heard her crying! She's crying... My Rhia sshi... I wonder why she's crying... Did her boyfriend broke up with her? What a big jerk he is! He doesn't deserve Rhia sshi! She deserves better! The bestis just made for her. I really wish I could talk to her without stuttering... T__T

April 28, 2009
Happy Monthsary! No, not you! With Rhia sshi... I want to tell her that but she's still looked so grim. I want to tell her that its okay, I'm here for her. Argh! I've made up my mind! I'll talk to her tomorrow! That's for sure... Me, FIGHTING!

April 29, 2009
She didn't appear... Maybe she has something to do for today, don't you think blender? Just when I decided to talk to her... -___-

April 30, 2009
Second day... She didn't appear... Eunhyuk asked me about my ecklace and he said it's cool.

May 01, 2009
Third day... She's still not here... Maybe she's just busy with school.

May 02, 2009
I miss her already! Maybe she's on a fieldtrip~ Must be nice to be still in college~

May 03, 2009
Where is she? I miss her so much!

May 04, 2009
R is for Rhia that I love the most~ H is for my heart where I keep my precious lady~ I is for interesting. She's the only one that made me feel curious about the world~ And A for adore since I really love her with all my heart~

May 05, 2009
Listened to Heechul hyung's collection of Trax songs. I really love the song 'Goodbye Lover'. Rhia sshi, where are you?

May 08, 2009
Tenth day that she's not here. I'm worried... What if something happened to her?! Ottoke? Ottokaji?!

May 09, 2009
Asked for Changminnie, Kibummie, evil genius Kyuhyunnie, and Cinderella hyung's help. We searched for recent accidents with a victim named Rhia. Everytime one pops up, I feel my heart race. Thank God, none of them are the 'Rhia' I'm looking for. Thank God.

May 14, 2009
I've learned to pray hard. Siwonnie said the more I pray, the sooner you'll come back.

June 2009
Not here.

July 2009
Not here..

August 2009
Not here...

September 2009
Still not here...

October 2009

November 2009
She's still not here... Others said I should move forward and forget her...

December 2009
Found the perfume that she wears... Ahh... It sure brings back memories... Her smile, the way she laughs, the way she eats, the way her eyes focus while reading her ridicously big books, the way the silver ring on her glitters under the dim light inside the cafe, the way she would brush off her hair... I really miss her...

January 2010
The others started to set me up on blind dates. I hate it but I cant say no to them. Why don't you come back Rhia sshi?

February 2010
The management notified me that I'll be transferred to Seoul. I don't want to. What if Rhia comes back? What if she comes back and I'm not here? I still have to say that I like her. That ever since I saw her at our cafe, she's the only thing that made my life worth living.

March 2010
It's supposed to be our anniversary... Yet she's still not here... But, no... I will not leave this place... I'll wait for her even if it takes forever.

April 15, 2010
Even hyungs tell me to go to Seoul... Management decided that I'll be transferred with Kibummie, Jonghyun sshi, and Minho sshi. It'll be on April 28.

April 28, 2010
First day of work. I feel so exhausted. City life is stressful compared to the life back home. I saw somebody that I think I know but I can't put my finger on... Hmm... I didn't even get to see her face... Oh... Gotta sleep...


"Good morning," other staff members bowed at Donghae's arrival Being a new supervisor gives these kinds of privelages, along side with everything else a higher position should have.

"Good morning to you too," he gave a dazzling smile and noticed a familiar physique behind the counter, wearing blue collared shirt.

"What will be your fix Sir?" the girl kept her head low while writing down something on her notebook.

"Do you know that you have to wear your apron and standard uniform?" Donghae stared hard at the girl. Something is really familiar with her.

"I'm still waiting for my superior fo----..." the girl lifted her head and their gazes met.



April 29, 2010
I've met her again blender! I've found her, my sapphire blue book worm. Ahaha... I sound weird. And from now on, I won't let her go... Good night Blender~


What do you guys think? TwT Is it good or not? TwT TELL ME~
29th-Apr-2010 08:30 pm - [G]Untitled(SHinee Oneshot)
Title: Untitled
Author: spicedSnow
Genre: Romance/Drama/Angst
Fandom: SHinee
Pairing: Fictinal Character and Kim Kibum (Almighty KEY)
Additional Notes: Words that are in BOLD are memories while in italics are lyrics.

Birthday gift for my beloved dongsaeng, RHEENA~ Yihee~


"I-I c-can't t-take it anymore Key sshi..."


"Its no one's fault..."

"I-if you w---"

"Mianhe... Mianhe..."

Ahhh... Tears once again rolled down, the same painful memory kept playing in my head. How long it has been? A month? A year? Yes, a year since she left me. I thought she loved me. I thought she's the one for me. I thought we would last forever. But as other people said, there is no such thing as forever. Her love was fragile and I'm an idiot not to notice.

"Hyung, wak--- WHAT HAPPENED?! ARE YOU HURT?!" Taemin, my son, inspected me from head to toe. I feel so weak... I feel so cold... I feel so exposed... I begun rubbing my arms up and down. Shimall! Whay does it feel so cold?! More tears streaked down my face as I curled into a tight ball, "Minho hyung! Jonghyun hyung! Key hyung's hurting!" heavy footsteps followed as I tightened my hold around myself.

"Ya! KIM KIBUM! Are you still thinking about her?! I tell you, SHE DOESN'T DESERVE YOU! YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR HER!" Jonghyun shouted and hit me repeatedly, "DO YOU HEAR ME?! YA! KIM KIBUM! YA! KIBUMMIE!"

"Hyung..." Minho's baritone voice floated in the air and Jonghyun stopped. Before the doors closed, Minho reminded me of our schedule. Another day that I have to pretend I'm happy. Another day that I have to endure trying to forget you. Heeyeon sshi, do you realize how much damage you've done to me?


"Does Key sshi likes sweets?"

"Key hyung..." Taemin elbowed me and I was snapped out of my reverie.

"Huh? Pardon?" I looked dumbly at the emcee, "will you please repeat the question?"

"Do you like sweets Key sshi?"

"Does oppa like sweets? I hope you do because I really like it alot!"

"I like it alot," I winked at the camera, just like that day when you asked me the same question. Heeyeon, do you still remember that day when we met? It was your first day at the cake shop where I work part-time.

"Does oppa like sweets?" I turned and saw you staring up at me, "I hope you do beacause I really like it alot!" you beamed and I saw the sunniest smile that I've ever saw in my entire life.

"I like it alot," I winked and you giggled. Heeyeon sshi, you're so cute...


"Waah! You're so mean!" you ran away from me, giggling.

"Ya! Heeyeon! How will you grow taller if you refuse to eat vegetables?" I ran after you, a bowl of green bell peppers at hand.



"Hyung?" a tentative voice and a tap on my shoulder.


"You've been staring at our kitchen for 30 minutes now... Are you sure you're okay?

"Yes, I am. Thank you Minho," I said but what I want to say was 'why do I see myself with her in the kitchen?"

"Oppa pabo~"

"Aish! Come back here!"

I can't hold back my tears. Heeyeon sshi, why did you leave me?

"Oppa, saranghae~ Nadoo saranghae~"

"I know..."

I should have responded more, right? Wasn't I able to show you how much I love you?

"Oppa~" you twirled a lock of your ebony hair and peered at me cutely...

"Oppa..." holding out nervously a box of chocolates, you awkwardly smiled at me...

"Look, oppa! A seashell!" you jumped for joy as we listened at the peacefulwhizz of breeze...

"Oppa, you're the best!"

"O-oppa... Mi-mianhe..."

"Kibum," Onew hyung called out and I wiped my tears. No one should see it aside for myself. No one...


"A seashell!" I perked up as Jonghyun handed me a large cone-shaped seashell. He just smiled and continued to play with Taemin and Onew hyung.

"Are you following me?" I stared hard at the seashell. It's the same seashell you picked up when we visited a beach late summer two years ago. It's peach color glinted off under the sun. I wonder if it still tells the story of the ocean that we've listened back then.

"Look, oppa! A seashell!"

"It's huge! Where did you get that?" you childishly pointed somewhere random.

"Does oppa know?"

"Know what?"

"Each seashell tells a story!"

"That's ridiculous!"

"Come here, listen," you pulled me right in front of you. You stood in your tip toes as you placed the cone at my left ear and cupped the other ear. Soft crashing of waves to pebbles, melodious hum of breeze, and a tale of hardships. Who knew a shell has this wonderful story inside?


"I told you so~" you smiled once more, your eyes shining brightly like that say you first smiled at me. Heeyeon sshi... My Heeyeon sshi...

I inspected the seashell once more and placed it on my left ear. I closed my eyes and focused only on it's story. A story of soft waves on pebbles, melodious hum of breeze, tale of hardships, and lost love.


"Onew hyung," the dubu looked up from his book and stared at me weirdly.

"What is it Kibum?"

"May I borrow your mp3? Mine had just run out and I'm still not sleepy," without any other words, hyung tossed his mp3 to me and returned to his book. I, on the other hand, programmed the player on shuffle mode.

*BGM: My everything*

"The loneliness of nights alone..."

Heeyeon sshi?

"The search for strength to carry on..."

Tears trickled my cheeks. It's your favorite song... You like to sing so much. We even sing in duets. Do you still remember your off-tuned moments? I chuckled deeply as tears cascade freely on my cheeks.

"My every hope had seemed to die..."

Yes, my every hope had died... You carried it all with you...

"My eyes had no more tears to cry..."

How I wish this could be true... How I wish I could stop my tears from falling... How I wish I could forget... How I wish I never got to met you...

"Then like the sun shining up above, you surrounded me with your endless love..."

"Endless love, eh?" I chuckled bitterly, "your love is as fragile as a crystal heart. I knew I shouldn't have been around you in the first place.

"Coz all the things I couldn't see are now so clear to me..."

It's clear to me... Yes... It's clear to me that no matter how much you love the person you treasure the most... How much you wish for it to be forever... How much you pray for it not to change, it will vanish in an instant... Out of your hands reach...

"You are my everything... Nothing your love won't bring... My life is yours alone... The only love I've evr known," I squeezed my eyes shut as more memories of you trying hard to sing, but failing miserably, flooded my mind, "Your spirit pulls me through, when nothing else will do... Every night I pray, on bended knee, that you will always be... My everything..." what should I do when your spirit is not here with all these things coming up? You know you are my everything... You know that... Yet, you left me and never let me explain.... Why, Heeyeon? Why?


"Oppa! Look! your album sold out more than 50 000 copies! Congratulations!"

"That's great Heeyeon..." I fiddled with my cap and double checked my outfit.

"Let's celebrate oppa! I brought your favorites! We can share t---"

"We have to attend a show today..." attaching my wrist watch. I checked my hair once more while smirking in front of the mirror.

"Well then, I'll wait until the time you come back oppa~"

"Key sshi, there's a letter in the mailbox addressed to you," Onew passed by as I finish cooking for our breakfast, "I left it at the counter".

"Another love letter?" wiping my hands clean, I inspected the said letter. It's different from those scented and glitter-infested love letters that I usually received from fans. I opened the letter and a familiar ring dropped.

"Oppa should always wear this ring!" you said as you forced a ring at my right hand.

"Why should I?" I inspected the ring with mild interest.

"Because it bears my name and it has a partner~ Ta-daaaa~" another silver ring glinted off from your hand and you handed it to me, "that has you name on it Kibum sshi~"

"It's like in those drama series on TV..." I said but I still put on your ring and you smiled whilstfully.

"Oppa saranghae~ Nadoo saranghae~"

"I know..." I smiled and mentally said 'I love you more'.

Kibum oppa,

   Hi... I know you don't want to see me now after what happened. I highly doubt that you even remember me. If you happen to read this, it means that I'm no longer in this world. Mianhe oppa... I lied... It's not true that I can;t love you anymore because you've become a celebrity... The truth is, I still love you oppa... It's you that brought up smile to my face during the times I have to go through chemotherapy... I want to live... I want to be with you oppa... I really do, that;s why I kept my illness a secret from you... But I guess, I failed? Mianhe oppa... I know you might not believe it but I wish for you to forget me. To move on without me. There is so much life ahead of you oppa... I know you can do it, you're Kim Kibum, the Almighty Key, right? Oppa, FIGHTING! =)

Moon Hee Yeon

My whole body trembled. Heeyeon sshi? She has cancer? How could she lie to me? I tried to hold it in but ugly sobs erupted from the back of my throat. My body shook once more and I was on my knees in seconds, palms on my face. Heeyeon sshi! How could you do this to me?! Forget you?! Do you know how freaking hard it is to do?! Huh?! Do you?! I even tried to hate you! I tried! You heard me?! I tried hard but I can't! Now, tell me how should I do it?!



"Oppa..." I fidgeted under my spot. I waited for him out here for almost an hour.

"What is it Heeyeon sshi? It's already late, don't you have school tomorrow?"

"I-I w-want to b-break up w-with you," squeezing my eyes shut, I recited the lines I've been memorizing a week before this day, "y-you're too high f-for me n-now to r-reach..." Mianhe oppa... I have to lie... I have to... ,"O-oppa is a c-celebrity n-now, right?"


"I d-don't love you anymore..."why does my heart hurt this much? I know this is for Kibum's wellness in the future...

"T-that's impossible... H-heeyeon s-sshe I-I..."

"I-I c-can't t-take it anymore Key sshi..." I even used his screen name for him to stop crumbling my resolve...


"Its no one's fault..." I turned my back at him. I just can't stand seeing him in so much pain... Mianhe oppa...

"I-if you w---"

"Mianhe... Mianhe..." I ran off. I know you're willing to give it up all but I know it's your dream. I know you more than any one else... I... I just have to protect it... I have to protect you... This is the least thing that I can do... Mianhe oppa... Saranghae... Saranghamnida... Forever...
27th-Apr-2010 07:14 pm - UPDATE 100426
Okay, first of all... I FAIL... Not with academics though... I fail because I promised myself that I'll go be active here yet what happened? I find myself one day being a lazy ass that I am... \\(*A*)// Tell me what's going on?!

Next, I'll be updating fics that I've been writing since I've gone over the GREAT HIATUS DAYS... Yeah, I've got it for hmmm... A year? Yeah... A Year it is... TwT I feel so ashamed of myself... GEEZ...

By tomorrow, or maybe when job allows me to, I'll be starting to post them... Ahhh... What pain I'm going through...

Does anyone here got Twitter? I have one with the same username~
22nd-Apr-2010 06:11 pm - [PG-13] Butterfly Grave [SongFic]
Hello~ This is Miharu, offering a songfic for you guys~
Yet I have to post this... XD ahaha... Sorry, I'm rambling... Anyways, onwards to the fic~



Standing beside you as you sleep… Wipe my tears as I close the door…

The doctors called me out. I couldn’t. My feet are planted on the spot. My tears roll as I stare at your peaceful face. How could I leave you? Not now. Not now when you need me the most.

“Mr. Lee, you have to leave now. We’re about to conduct the surgery…” I wanted to scream, punch, and kill them. Don’t they know that you need me? Don’t they see how much I need you too? Yet, they pushed me out. I touched my cheeks, feeling hot tears as the doors close in front of me.

Even if I call out, there’s no reply… Please call out to me…

“Sungmin hyung! We’re leaving! Take care!” you and Donghae waved cheerfully at me. I waved back, feeling lonely once again. I often wish that our schedules are just the same.

“Eunhyuk! Sungmin! Eunhyuk and Donghae met an accident!” My heart raced in an instant, my vision blurred and my throat ran dry.

“Hyukkie! Ya! Hyuk Jae! Answer me! Hyuk Jae!” I heard my heart pound hard. No! You have to answer me! “Ya! Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk Jae!” I closed my eyes defeated. Please… Answer me…

I know that you're not going to say anything… and I know that you won't be able to… However I quietly open my ears and still pace around your home incase you might say something…

“Sungmin hyung, go home already. I’ll watch over Hyukkie hyung,” Ryeowook arrived and patted me on my back.

“No…” I refused. I haven’t slept, haven’t bathe, and left your side after the accident, “I want to be near him until he wakes up…”

“That’s crazy hyung! It has been 5 days! You have to go home, eat, bathe, and sleep! He wouldn’t want to see you like this hyung…” I felt Ryeowook forcefully shake me yet my eyes were transfixed to your peaceful face. I know you’re in coma at the moment and wouldn’t know that I’m here for you. But I’m still waiting. I want to be the first person you’ll see upon your recovery. The first person to see your smile. The first person to say, ‘welcome back Monkey…’

It might be that when, I think about how you used to smile at me, I begin to forget you…

It has been 3 months. You haven’t woken up every since. I miss your smile Monkey. But when I try to imagine you smiling warmly at me, I couldn’t. It was as if I have forgotten you. Please wake up… Wake up and smile for me Hyuk Jae…

Even if I can't see you, I'm still with you… Every time I think of you, I'm like this… I'm sitting beside you… As times passes, I'll still be erasing… Now it's so hard to endure… Forgive me for forgetting you…

“You know Hyukkie, we’ve won. We ranked as number 1 in Mnet,” I caressed your cold tombstone. It has been 2 years since your death. The doctors weren’t able to save you after convulsing one day, leading to your death. I wonder, when will I be able to forget you.

“Minnie hyung, let’s go…” Kibum sat beside me and laid a hand on the roses I’ve brought for you.

“Let me stay here for a while…”


“Please…” I felt tears prick my eyes. I know I shouldn’t cry. You wouldn’t want me to. But I can’t help myself. I was glad when he stood and left me. The wind picked up and cold air caressed my body. It was as if you were here with me.

“Hyukkie…” I let my tears flow, now that I know no one’s watching, “… I wasn’t able to say this to you… But I… I love you…” a hiccup and an air caress, “… Why do you have to leave when I’m still gathering my courage to tell you? Why? Why?!” I pounded my fists on the ground as my tears fell freely, “Why didn’t you wait for me? Why?!” I felt stupid doing this but what should I do? How could I forget you? How? Tell me how.

My tears will probably dry now… They probably won't fall anymore… However my deepening breathing… Stops and falls into a slumber beside me… I end up looking for you all day long…

I feel tired. So tired. Schedules, practices, concerts, they’ve doubled as time passes by. It has been 4 years now. My tears already left me, they won’t fall even if I wanted to. Every night, as sleep consumes me, I feel the urge to cry. I still can’t move on. Sometimes, I wish to die just to be with you again. I’ve even tried searching for you in the ocean of fans, hoping that all of this is just a horrible dream. Your death, my misery, everything. Please, will you come back, smile, and say this is all a joke?

You might not be as warm as you used to be… but that's my fate…

I felt the cold corners of your tombstone. Just by feeling its smoothness calms me. It tells my heart that you’re here, at my arms’ reach. Encircling my arms around it, I whisper the things I want to share with you. The things we’re supposed to be together and will be doing with everybody else.

“Sungmin hyung…” I turned and saw Donghae. He managed to survive but not you, “I’m sorry… If it wasn’t for me, he would have…”

“Don’t blame yourself too much Fishy…” I forced a smile and continued to embrace your tombstone, “… He wouldn’t want us to feel burdened…”

“But you, yourself can’t let go of him hyung…” I froze at his statement. He’s right. It has been 4 years; yet, I can’t bring myself to let you go. But I guess it’s my fate to love you even if you’re not here…

Even if I can't see you, I'm always right here… Every time I think of you, I'm like this… I'm sitting beside you… As times passes, I'll still be erasing… Now it's so hard to endure… Forgive me for forgetting you…

5 years have passed. My feelings for you haven’t changed a bit. Other members begun to forget you, but how could I? How could I when you occupy my mind and heart every single day? Do you know that it’s hard to go on without you? Do you know that I spend every waking hour just to forget you?

Even I hold you like this, I don't feel anything… Are you no longer here? You've already left here but… I can't turn back our separation that the heavens have blocked… I'll leave you inside of my forgotten memories…

“Hyung! We… What are you doing?” Siwon walked up to me.

“Blocking out my memories of him…” I continued to wrap your pictures and put them in a blue box.

“Of Hyukkie hyung? But why? Don’t you love him?” he sat down beside the box, staring at me.

“It’s killing me…” memories rushed past me, “… Remembering him is like… Suffocating myself slowly… Painfully…” I felt my eyes water, “To me… For him… I have to learn how to move on…” my tears didn’t fell; Siwon wiped them for me and hugged me. I felt sympathy coming from him. I can’t welcome it, I still can’t. I’ve imagined the heavens’ closed doors as I continued to pack your things. Pictures, clothes, shoes, gifts from ELF, and even your letters. I buried them thinking it’ll be the start of the process of forgetting you.

Even if I can't see you, I'm always right here… Every time I think of you, I'm like this… I'm sitting beside you… As times passes, I'll still be erasing… Now it's so hard to endure… Forgive me for forgetting you… Standing beside you as you sleep… wipe my tears as I close the door… I'll always be by your side… Standing beside you as you sleep… wipe my tears as I close the door…

“Lee Hyuk Jae… I, Lee Sung Min, will be in the process of forgetting you from now on… But please, remember… I love you and will love you with this heart of mine… Good bye… May we see each other in the other life…”


That's it... Actually, this is kind of rushed songfic because I wrote this for my brother's assignment... XD... If you spot some errors, don't hesitate to tell me, ok? ^w^ I know I fail... -____-

Ohh yeah, comments are highly appreciated~

Originally posted in sj-world.net
See you around~
22nd-Apr-2010 06:03 pm - [G] Only One (Super Juniors FF)
Fanfiction Information
TITLE: Only Love
AUTHOR: spicedSnow
DATE PUBLISHED: April 15, 2010
CHARACTERS: Yesung, Leeteuk

Disclaimer: I don't own the Super Juniors. But I wish I did (to make them do things I always think about... hoho). I am not in any process of making money out of this. XD But then I own the plot.

Note: This is done as a birthday gift to my fellow Filipino ELF, Cathie unnie~ *waves*. She likes YeTeuk, so, yeah... Ehehe...


"He's the only one who smiles at me when I did something wrong..."

"He's the only one who understands how my mind works..."

"He's the only one who laughs heartily in every joke I tell..."

"He's the only one who can calm me down during the times I feel stage fright..."

"He's the only one who enjoys talking to me in spite the fact that most of the members thinks I'm too weird..."

"He's the only one who can tell whether I'm anxious or angry..."

"He's the only one who said he likes my forehead and Jeju Island birthmark..."

"He's the only one who said my hands are cute and holds them quite often..."

"He's the only one who can dare me into a staring challenge and ends up saying my eyes are too sexy to be stared at..."

"He's the only one who says my voice is sexy and innocent at the same time..."

"He's the only one who stays up all night just to take care of me..."

"He's the only one who makes me stay up all night thinking over some stupid stuff he said..."

"He's the only one who calls my name 'Yesung' or 'Joongwoon' affectionately..."

"He's the only one who can make me blush just by touching his fingertips with mine..."

"He's the only one who makes my heart flutter everytime he hugs me..."

"He's the only one whom I know who needs me..."

"He's the only one that made me feel this way..."

"And now, he's with someone else... My hyung... My eternal love... Park Jungsu"


Argh! I fail! I know! This thing somehow lacks something I can't put my finger on... TwT

Which language(s) do you currently speak? If you could learn only one other language, what would you choose, and why?

English and Tagalog... I'd like to learn more of Nihonggo though... But nowadays, learning Korean is much more popular...

But learning Nihonggo had been my dream for so many years... ^w^ Since I first started to love anime and JDramas (5years old?)...Ahaha
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